When we last saw Solid Snake, Dr. Petrovich jumped on his back and started strangling him! So Snake did the only logical thing which was throwing missles at his back and stepping on landmines. I wish I were exaggerating.

Petrovich's "don't let go!" strategy led him here. To be fair, though, he's the only boss in the game whose corpse doesn't explode, so he's got that going for him.

I made a joke about Hideo Kojima before where he taunts his players by making them backtrack through the entire game. I thought I was exaggerating. Guess what?

To open the locker, you have to change Natasha's brooch by going to a freezer...

IN THE FIRST BUILDING OF THE GAME

Perhaps accidentally, the designers allow you one shortcut which takes you from the detention center (where you were) to the Tower Building, which is about 1/2 of the way where you need to go. Get in the cardboard box and get on this conveyor belt and you'll be shipped to the building!

Fortunately... and let's face it, magically, none of the guards ever need to lift the box onto the truck so they just assign one guy to stand with this lone box. This is a horrible waste of truck space, but... hey, this game threw logic out the window a long time ago.

You get unloaded into the Tower building, where you have to go all the way around to the front entrance, cross the squeaky sand/land mine filled desert, go through the jungle maze, and finally, you're in the building you need to be in. I hope you like that trip, because you'll have to do it all over again on the way back.

Yes, really.

(Anyone else now understand why I was so delayed writing the rest of this strategy guide?)

The good news is you can get a green card. I'd a make a joke about immigration, but honestly, even thinking about how I backtracked through the whole game makes me tired.

You have to go up to the fourth floor - your object is to TURN OFF THIS FUCKING GAME!!! PEOPLE, THE STORY ISN'T THAT GOOD. WHO CARES? YOU FIGHT BIG BOSS AT THE END AND EVIL'S PUNISHED. BOOM. DON'T BOTHER!!!

Okay, fine, you need to get to the dining room.

And here it is! Don't these people ever eat?

Wait here in the freezer for your key to... again, magically, change into a new key. Now you get the privilege of going all the way back from where you came!!! Don't you seriously think there would have been some beta tester who would have said that "artificially extending the gameplay by 90 minutes like this is more annoying than anything else?" Actually, I hear in Japan, if you say that, you have to commit seppaku.

When you go all the way back, choose this door in the northeast.