In addition to the snake, I found that I had an owl, which I guess hatched from one of the eggs and somehow reached full adulthood in a few seconds. I don't know why Snake is keeping a live owl and snake in his backpack, but I'm sure it's just to make for more realistic Tactical Espionage Action (TEA).

How do you get rid of the snake? Simple! Click on the eggshell when the snake crawls over it and - voila! - the snake and the shells are magically gone. I don't know what happened, but that had to be one of the (BUT NOT THE DUMBEST) puzzles in video game history. The next puzzle, however, floored me.

Note the game triumphantly exclaims, "Empty!!"

Outside the electric gate, you can see the guard wandering around. The kid mentioned something about the guards turning off the laser grid at night. How can I ever trick someone - who is outdoors - into thinking it's nighttime? Simple! Equip the owl!

The owl hoots, the guard exclaims "Evening!" and turns off the electric gate.

WHAT?!

I have to express my contempt here. Why wouldn't the guards just have set times? How in the name of God does someone hear an owl, and even though the sun is presumably out, think it's nighttime? The only explanation I can come up with is that it IS nighttime, the guard didn't realize and the owl reminds him. That's all I can do. I'm sorry. I give up. This is too fucked up.

Enter this room to find a grenade, plastic explosive, and-

No, I'm sorry, I can't let this go yet. This is somehow worse than the Metal Gear penis thing. Later on in the game, you have to puke on a guard in order to convince him that it's raining spaghetti. I mean, who wrote this? Why was the owl even a fully grown-up owl immediately after hatching? What is going on here?

This seem familiar? I think I've heard five different kids say this. At this point, I think Kojima is out of ideas and just repeating shit for the fuck of it.

Last time. Fuck this owl, fuck this puzzle, fuck everything.

(Can you spot the irony, kids?)