When we last saw our hero, Solid Snake, he found the prison where Dr. Marv was supposed to be held, but it was empty. Did NASA ninja ,(sigh) Black Color, lie? Who cares? Calling Campbell simply makes him refer you to your former "survival master", McDonald Miller. Miller looks like a deformed Kevin Spacey, and seems to be spouting fortune cookie nonsense here. I'd rather hold the image of "helpful advice" in my mind - since I'm not getting that from the characters in the game.

I don't want this strategy guide to consist entirely of Codec conversations, but a lot of the really nonsensical shit happens here. For example, take a listen to the fortune cookie like advice you're about to hear from your master...

"...in bed." Hey, it works!

This is some great advice! He's like Mickey from Rocky and Miyagi from Karate Kid 3 all rolled into one! Only for video games! "Never imagine yourself in game over!" "You can get that high score if you believe in yourself!" "Only dopes do dope!"

Er, what?!

Okay, that was useless. Back to the matter at hand. So, the room has a weird knocking sound. If you look up the manual for this game, it mentions "tap codes" - which apparently is a kindergarten version of Morse code that Vietnam vets used to communicate with each other.

This guy is tapping out his transmitter code to you. Oh boy! More radioing! There's not enough of that in this game!

Holy fuck, it's Dr. Wiley! You better not send Scissors Man and Coffee Boy after my friend Mega Man, you evil bastard!

"Uh! By, uh - 'together', I meant we were just like hanging out! Not together together. We were just barbecuing and I was drinking a brew dog, all hetero and shit. Seriously. Stop looking at me like that."

Snake: "Oh poo! My tardiness hinders me again! Curse my metal joints, I wasn't fast enough!"

"It's my pretty mustache!"

Oh no! I can't believe Metal Gear is back, considering the game's only fucking titled Metal Gear! I guess a "spoiler alert" wasn't really in order, was it?