Snake, using such special forces training techniques like "walking over there" and "firing a gun straight ahead" manages to defeat the NASA ninja. Yeah! Take that, NASA!

I don't remember Kyle Schneider at all. And how come whenever reunions like this occur in video games, the player character never recognizes who the other person is until after the battle?

Metal Gear 1 came out three years before this game, so I'm hoping the writers will give me some backstory on this Schneider dude.. Ah, of course they will, right? Right?

"Solid Snake, class of 1987? What's up you old Fox... Hound! Whatever happened to your old roommate, Douchey LaRou?"

This is all the backstory you get. I guess I have to play the original Metal Gear again to figure out who the hell Schneider is. Oh wait, I don't give a shit.

Snake cuts to the chase, however and ask why "they" didn't kill him. Who's "they"? Why would "they"? I'm lost.

Look, you're a ninja astronaut. You couldn't decide between the two most popular career paths of six year olds and I'm immature. Right.

Snake: "Top of the morning, gov! Are you saying the chipper British Isles tried to do you in, my son?"

Nato Guy: "Sir, the U.S. operation to sneak in and disable Metal Gear succeeded. Should we consider the mission successful?"

Nato Chief: "Ah, we've got some money in the budget left over. Let's throw in a couple of carpet bombs for good measure. And where are the whores?"

Snake: "This sob story is great and all, but shouldn't you be dying and such? It's been like 3 minutes, and I shot you at least ten times."

Schneider: "Okay, you got me. I kid! None of of that happened! I'm just an ass!"

Okay, wait, whoa whoa whoa. So NATO doesn't want the fact that there were war orphans around to get out, so they kill the orphans? What kind of crap-ass conspiracy was that? "We don't want everyone to know that people died in A FUCKING WAR, so let's kill all their surviving children to cover it up!"

Hey, four dialogue boxes ago, Snake was pretty sure NATO could never do that. He's getting convinced? He's just taking Schneider's word for it? Snake, this guy told you that NASA makes NINJAS. That is seriously less credible than a CIA samurai or an NFL ronin.